As (maybe) most know E3 is starting. Today I had the opportunity to watch the Xbox press conference and despite the references to getting more “kinnect’d” to your games I managed to keep from vomiting on myself. Traditionally there is a huge divide between those who own a PS3 and those who own an Xbox 360 and though I am partial to Sony branding I own both and will try to remain a neutral party (which usually means being overly critical of both).
I am on the fence about Xbox’s offerings this year. The games being announced are sequels of sequels of something that was already used as an idea five years ago. Now I realize that most people are excited about the same old-as-a-white-dog-turd ideas but I wish we could branch out. The fact that we keep buying their still warm offal is the problem. Most gamers don’t WANT new, I guess. They want comfortable they want familiar and if they are going to lay down 60 bucks they want the same familiar 6 hour sack of crap. Then they bitch about the length but can barely contain their boner when Gears of War 3 is announced. I mean come on they are having a “new” trilogy which is starting with Halo 4. New is no the word for it. Recycled garbage to con people into buying our shit is more the words.
That being said there were some cool things. Despite my inherent distrust of the kinnect and its shitty offering so far (Check out Fruit Ninja if you think that they were making any sort of effort to change my mind). The most impressive thing I saw coming for kinnect, and I will grudgingly admit that it was actually really impressive, is the ability in “Ghost Recon: Future Warriors” to gunsmith. You can now take apart the whole weapon and customize not only the outside but the inside parts as well. That is more of the use of kinnect that I think Gamers are looking for. Gamers who want to play something and not just swing their arms randomly around and be impressed that the camera can recognize such a small object as the ENTIRE HUMAN BODY. I also think that “Fable: The Journey” also looks good with the ability to use reigns and magic with no controller. I am more reserved here because Peter Molyneux is a lying piece of shit and the game will probably be released with an even bigger version of an Xbox controller you have to use in order for it to be “hands free”. Lamest? Totally useless voice recognition in Mass Effect 3. Really? It takes your lazy ass less time to flick the movement stick up and hit select, you fat turd.
Also Disney is releasing some horse garbage for the Xbox. It’s a toss-up as to who wins the worst actor award, the two kids playing peter pan shouting “wee” and “fist pound!” or the two idiots playing kinnect sports and pretending to lose so they could show more features. The real winner her is obviously anyone who was watching and enjoying the awkwardness the announcer is forced to feel.
I’m most excited for the reboot of Lara Craft in the new Tomb Raider. It’s a rehashing of her beginnings and she starts out on an island with a maniac who apparently will kill anyone who comes to the island. Even from the beginning it looks explosive and great. You know you want it. Hardcore Lara is much sexier than big boobs Lara. I will post more after the other conferences. Prepare to be disappointed! (We’re all looking at you Nintendo)
